SPEAKER_00 0:41

Okay, welcome back to Self Made in Single Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Rose. We've got a very special guest today, one of my satiest and coolest clients. I have to say I do attract very cool women, so this should not be really any different from anybody else. But Gloria is just someone in terms of her journey. We were literally just speaking about how her transformation has happened so rapidly in the time span that she's been coaching and really doing the work that it's just insane. Looking back at her journey, it's literally like day and night looking at who she was when she started versus who she is now. And so I don't want to spoil anything for you. I would love for Gloria to introduce herself a little bit more and tell us a little bit about who she is and what type of coaching she did and where she was when we first started.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Hi, I'm Gloria Grimaldi. Um I am from Syracuse, New York, a small town closer to Canada than it is New York City. Um I am a business owner and entrepreneur. Um I own Skincare Habit, which is a skincare acne clinic. I'm an obstetician um in Syracuse, New York. So yes, I found you, Rachel, when it was like kind of divine timing. You fell into my lap like as soon as I was ready for this. So um, so I did one-on-one private coaching for the masculine um masculine magnet methods. Twister. Um really my goal was to stop um this pattern that I had been reliving over and over relationship after relationship for years, and now I'm in my mid-30s, and I just said I can't keep doing it.

The Mothering Men Pattern

SPEAKER_00 2:42

So yeah, it was wild when we met. It just felt very we felt connected anyway before we even started diving in. It just felt energetically this was the right time. And um, I remember reading your notes before jumping on a call, and I thought, oh my goodness, like this is perfect. This is really aligned to the mission of this course, which is very much to help women move away from mothering men, which was something that you really resonated with. So, okay, so we let's dive in a little bit more. So you were talking about like these patterns that were occurring in your past love life. So, what were the key things that you wanted to work on that weren't working as you wanted them to be working?

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Um, I found myself literally in the same relationship over and over again with like a different person. Um, the biggest thing was like it may have started out kind of like innocent and didn't feel the same. But then a couple of years in, I realized I was, you know, my significant other's mother. I was doing everything for him. I had the complete mental load, energetic load, financial load. Somehow ended up being the one who was paying all the bills, um, doing everything. And like that was so draining. It like kind of breaks your spirit, and it made me feel like, how do I not do this again? And like, am I even capable of being in a relationship with someone who was an equal to me going forward? And I felt really, really stuck. I felt very unsure if it was something that I was capable of like figuring out on my own. Um, so this was like perfect for exactly what I was looking for and felt like I needed.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah. And I love that you had that awareness because that's something that doesn't necessarily like a woman could have your story or have your experience and not have that awareness. So it's amazing that you got to this part of your journey where you said, okay, this is familiar, but this is this isn't working. So for some of the women listening who may actually really resonate with your story and say, That's a pattern that's in my life, but they haven't yet come to the point that you did where you made that internal shift. Can you tell us like what was the straw that broke the camel's back, for example, in your dating experience that made you think, no, this is this can't go on and I want something different?

SPEAKER_01 5:17

It felt like if I didn't stop it, like the snowball would just get bigger. I mean, I looked really like the bank account and like the number, the sheer number that my ex owed me in money and how quickly that had grown was really for me. Like what made it the most real. I mean, there's so there's more than just like the numbers, but that feels really tangible. And I just knew that like I was like looking around at other relationships that I looked up to that felt like more of a partnership and like really like yearning for like I wonder what that would feel like to just be in something like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

That's so true, isn't it? It's when those because I'm sure those relationships were already in your life, but I guess when you're nearing change and nearing that time to, you know, do something different, they just become louder, like the drastic difference between what you're experiencing and what they're experiencing is like, okay, this isn't the same. You know, I'm not getting the same as they're getting. So that's really interesting. Was there even, you know, can you remember the physical sensations like that you experienced when you had this aha moment, or did you see like signs that made you feel, okay, this is also the time?

Stress Signals In The Body

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yeah, I mean, it was oddly enough, like I feel like a week or two, probably within the week of like my 35th birthday, it was just like this wake up moment of like, what are you doing? You know in your heart that you can't continue this. Um, there's no way you could like pretend to just happily live out the rest of your life in this relationship or even one similar to it. And just like there were certainly times where it felt like I like couldn't even like breathe for months at a time because of the stress, the financial stress it caused, um, you know, like depression that it caused, anxiety that it caused. Um yeah, it was and it those things do like physically feel heavy and like you feel it in your chest, you feel it in your body, like that tingling anxiety sensation, ringing thoughts. I was not sleeping well at all at night, having a terrible time falling asleep. So, yes, all those things like definitely manifested physically.

Standards And New Dating Tools

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Yeah, and it's so interesting that you can have that experience and share that with us because I always say there's a cost. There is a cost to um being this kind of dynamic. The reason why this program exists is because I've had it through my own experience. So it's nice to connect with other women and talk through that and share the fact that all of us have had these physical sensations where you know, not just I feel a bit off, but things that mean that are we're completely dysregulated. Um, I don't know if you resonate as well, Gloria, but like I had like memory issues. I was like, oh, I can't really because you're you're just drained, right? You're just you know pouring and pouring and pouring into this other person. Um okay, so we wanted to experience something different. What was the biggest takeaway, do you think, from our time working together?

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Um I would say it's kind of twofold. So my mindset has completely shifted. Um, I feel very prepared to only accept what I've decided my standards are going forward. Um, I feel like there was just like this power that I was given in knowing that like it's not selfish to want these standards or it's not like silly or you know, like I don't know, anti-feminist or anything like that. It's like uh having that mindset, I think was I I had to do that, I had to change my mindset. Um, and then I did in addition to that was feeling like prepared with just having like these other like tools in my toolbox. So now we have like we actually decided what those standards are. We know the plan going forward, how to make the call if I should continue to date somebody, if they are you know worthy of of what I want in my life and sharing me and sharing all you know the great things and great benefits of being in a relationship with me instead of like draining me, taking advantage of me and not being a partner.

Returning To Feminine Energy

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Yeah. Oh Gloria, the language you're using is so good, it's so juicy because it's coming from this empowered place, it's not like like you said, anti-feminist, but it's also not this I'm the boss and I'm you know bigger and better than the other person. It's are you worthy to have the benefits of the of a relationship with me? That is so beautiful and big. And you know, I just want as many women as possible to start thinking like this because it's a blessing to be in your presence, it's a blessing to have your time, equally as it is for you to be in their time, but it's got to be equal footing, you know. Um, so talk to us. So I love all the mindset shifts. So obviously, there are three massive parts to the program. So I remember we were talking about like the feminine um mindset kind of energy, learning all of that, and I felt like that was one of your favorite parts of the program. So, like, talk to us a little bit about what you learn in terms of harnessing that energy.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

It's like, first of all, it feels like a breath of fresh air and like a huge relief. Um, I think I had spent like years being in this overfunctioning, taking care of everything parent role where I wasn't allowed to be in it, and it like kind of hardens you. And for me, I'm also a very type B person. Um, so it's it goes against like naturally who I am to be acting in that like pseudo type A like I was literally like cosplaying as a type A personality.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I've never heard this before.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

That's cool. That like I mean just not being who I am and being able to be myself, and also like making me feel like somebody didn't they loved me for this fake thing I was doing, not who I was. Um so in addition to that, like I am super girly. I work in you know the beauty industry and like I am all about self-care. I love taking care of myself and like leaning into that and just like letting that kind of take over. It just feels like natural and makes me happy, and it's like I love being a woman and everything that comes with it, yes. Um even just like every day being able to like think about the ritual of my getting ready process and like when I'm being thoughtful about like what I'm wearing and making it all part of like my healing is nice.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Oh, that's so nice. Oh getting to react because it's so good, and it just I remember when we were working on this particular part of the program when I was like, you know, think about these ritual things, you just reeled off so many things because, like you said, it is natural to you. So it felt like it was like you finally permission for you to sit in that energy. Yeah, that's so cool. So, talk to us about because uh Gloria has had practical practice, or is that a word? What am I saying? She's put this into practice and say that, or practical uh life experience, putting this feminine energy into play in real life. So, talk to us about this particular, you know, situation scenario, which is very different from what you've experienced so far, but was very well timed, you know, just in time for the program.

A First Date Without Transaction

SPEAKER_01 13:57

It's crazy. So I do practice like meditation in my life um daily is like my goal. Um, so the morning meditation that you provide is part of the program, like fit right into that. And I just feel like that's something for me that like I see the world around me and myself change from using a tool like med meditation. I was excited for that, and like I knew that was going to be a big part of it. Um, and it was I think right after we had discussed the feminine energy um portion of the program as well. So I was like really putting that into practice, and um I've been single now since May. So we're talking like five, almost six months. That was right around the time where I would kind of like give my permission, give permission to myself to think about dating. Um, and I just started all of a sudden being like approached by men when I was like out at a bar or doing something like out at like a festival, um just receiving like random messages or DMs and things like that. And um I there was like some power in kind of like having some conversations with people and then being like, you know what? I don't think this is gonna fit in going forward. So I was I didn't feel like I necessarily had to like be nice and give a phone number or even like placade it at all. Um, but then I did have like a situation where somebody invited me to this, they had to have spent, you know, a couple hundred dollars on the tickets for something and like they wanted me to come with them. And he invited me out and we had this great night out, and he took care of the bill for everything. He offered to pick me up, he walked me to my car. There also wasn't this like transaction of like, oh, I did this for you now. I'm expecting anything uh from you, and um, we had a great time and uh I felt like a lot of power in that. I don't necessarily feel like like I want to just kind of put this into practice and stay around and like learn about myself in that way for the next few months, but I feel like that happened because of like what I was focusing on and what I was essentially manifesting for myself during this time and putting my what I learned about how to be in my feminine energy into practice. So, and I one of the best first dates of my life.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Ah, so good. Oh, I got goosebumps. I got goosebumps there. I remember I was at the airport, I was in Milan at the airport, and I just stopped. And the whole, I don't know why, I remember telling you on voice note, why is everybody listening to this conversation? But it was so exciting to hear, so exciting, it just felt so natural, and it's so nice that you connected with this experience and it was no icky feeling. I love the fact that you didn't feel like you had to give anything back, and that's hard in the beginning, right? Because it's like a little bit of imposter syndrome. Um, but are you confident now that that's your new energetic standard?

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Yeah, I am. Um if there was like anything other than somebody wanting to like take me out and sh, you know, show me a good time, and and if there was any expectation of like, well, I got this time, so you better get next time, or you know, physical transaction, it would give me the yck, and I would say, this isn't for me. Yes, you wouldn't be hearing from me going forward.

Using The Ick As A Compass

SPEAKER_00 17:49

So it's so funny you mentioned the ick because that was also part of your transformation, wasn't it? Like just getting to the point of you know, the mindset shift is one thing. I think when people hear that, they just think, okay, she just repeated a bunch of things a couple of times, but no, like it was like a physical reaction, right? So like talk to us a little bit about how that was really effective for you.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah. Um and it's funny too, because right after that part of the program, I think that next week I had like an in-person, it was just like a friend who was out with us, and he struggled. He couldn't pay his bill, and he got really weird when I came time for the bill, and somebody else, you know, in the group had to pay for it. And like it's not like I was even having this like romantic connection with him or anything, but just being around even that felt like ugh, like I don't want to be around this person anymore.

Why Taking The Leap Matters

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Like this, like physical makes me just it's good because it's like in contrast to the way that you felt before, like particularly wanting to save, step in, actually let me overextend. This is what it took, you know, to really solidify the brain. Like, no, we don't want this, it's not a possibility for us. It's so good, it's so good. Um, okay, so all right, so that was your biggest takeaway. So at the moment, there are, like I said, women in my world, I guess, who have been orbiting for a while. They might have come to a few masterclasses and they are like, I'm not sure. You know, they might buy the book, for example, but still not make that step. Um, and you yourself have seen how drastic your uh results can be and how fast they can be. We were together for six sessions. Can you believe it, guys? Um, and this is the kind of change that can happen for you. Plus, we also had Foxer chat as well. Um, so talk to those women, you know, um, you know, tell them the level of support that you've received and how you would encourage them to take the leap that you took in order to make the transformation you've made.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

I mean, I think it's the the transformation that I feel is like incredibly powerful. I feel like it's just do it. If you are feeling like there's a part of you that could use this, it's so valuable. For me, you know, this I was like one of my biggest things was I was financially overgiving as long as well as so many other ways of overgiving. But like if I can essentially stop the bleed and not risk that happening again, the investment for this program is minimal compared to like potentially what I would, you know, maybe buy somebody else a car or something. Exactly. It's just and you will learn so much about yourself, um, and have the tools to make sure that you don't make these mistakes that you're sick of making and beating yourself up about making.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yes, exactly. And one thing that uh I think rediscovered at the end of our last session was it's not only just about the mindset about dating, right? It's had this ricochet effect on uh the finances that were outstanding, like that's in order. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah, I mean, my my last were you talking about like what I experienced in my relationship?

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Yeah, now there's like a actual plan to recover what was lost. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Um yeah, I mean, I honestly you helped me even have the courage to like kind of like stand up to my ex and make sure that I was putting a repayment plan in place. And um, you know, I he I had bought him a car and I got that car back and um yeah, and just knowing that all those things that I had to do to help myself um weren't like me being mean or be me being rude that was like the right thing for me to do and instead of being like gaslit into thinking that I was gross for saying like you have to pay me back or that I only cared about money and not like how he was doing emotionally. Um yeah, and I mean it's if I did this again with somebody else, like it just would be the financial place I could potentially get myself in from thinking that I have to do that, or being kind of like emotionally bullied into thinking that I had to do that would be terrible, especially you put it in comparison of what you invest in this program with you, that potential loss.

The Roadmap And The 90 Days

SPEAKER_00 23:13

It's so good. Honestly, like it's you've done so well. Like, I honestly cannot believe it's only been the amount of sessions that we've had. You were just a rock star. What's really helped with your transformation, this pace, is your dedication. You've really utilized all of the tools, you've utilized our time together, you really put yourself forward. And it's interesting because I think we said in probably the last session that because you knew you had six sessions, it was like, let's not mess around. Let's get on with it. And so one of the things um that you took away as part of the course was the roadmap.

unknown 23:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

And this was like a roadmap of like how you would deal with relationships, at what point commitment comes in. Um, and so moving forward in the future, like what's next for you in terms of using that roadmap in your romantic life?

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Um, so I feel like I'm in a place right now where I can kind of start like casually dating and just get my feet wet and see what's out there. Um I see myself like maybe six months from now, like looking to date more seriously. Um, and when whether it's casual or when I'm doing it more seriously, I like I'm going to have that roadmap posted on like one of not in my living room because I don't want to be like, huh. But um in my like office, I'll have that posted so I can refer to it and remember to be like, okay, here we are. We are two weeks in. What was my plan? This be looking at like what is even like that consistency and communication. I had my tendencies before were to rush into something and immediately act like we were like married and start paying for things left and right and probably move in way too soon and just start mothering them immediately. So I have these checkpoints in place now so I can check in with myself and remember like what my plan is going forward. Um that'll be important because that's how I once I talk to somebody, they initially meet that, like, okay, this seems like somebody could be an equal partner. Now going forward, do they still continue to feel that way to me? And like that against facts of what's happening in real life versus what I may be just kind of thinking or what somebody's saying, and um look at their actions.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Yes. Oh, I love it. I think the roadmap is really gonna help keep you accountable, keep you grounded, out of the fantasy, you know, which is like the main thing that keeps any of us in these kind of relationships where we bond fast. And remember, I think one thing that was really beautiful for us to discuss was the fact that yes, we're both gonna be predisposed to bonding fast. That's not a bad thing for anyone to have, but you gotta be aware of it because you gotta shield yourself and pace yourself. And it's nice to what I'm getting from you is it feels better, like having pace, you know, having things to look forward to, no pressure of you know, it has to go, you know, at a certain speed, there's more control. And we also discussed, didn't we, in terms of like the my favorite number of like 90 days, where we're just feeling things out the first 90 days, you know. So hopefully that roadmap gives you the confidence of like I'm seeing if they are you know qualifying to build something with me over the 90 days, and you know, I I'm not committing to anything straight away just because we spent a certain amount of time together. And yeah, I think sorry, I spoke over here.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

No, that's exactly it. So it's hard to end things with somebody. Um, like the closer that you get, um, and if you feel like you're at a pace of like, okay, it's four months in, but this is where somebody normally would be one year in, like it becomes harder to end that relationship when you're seeing those signs.

Business Growth And Future Family

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Yeah, yes. I think you even planned your roadmap like beyond. I was like, oh damn, like this is this is the advanced roadmap. It's so good, so so good, and just a testament to how serious you are about this change and how determined you are to experience something different. So I'm so excited for you, like moving forward. Um, we're gonna catch up in a few months, either I think like just before the end of the year, or if not very early next year, and I'm gonna see where you're at. But apart from love, like business-wise, like what's also the plan for you?

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Well, I'm really excited now that um I don't have to like be somebody's mother. I can put more energy into my own business. Um my clients deserve that. Um, I over the next year I'm looking to build a team. Um, now I'm not so stressed out about financially covering my bills and his bills. It makes it more real that I can take a risk like that. Whereas being able to, you know, be responsible for um the girls that I hire and and their livelihood. Um, so yeah. And so good. It, you know, I'm hoping that I can get married and have a family. So a couple of years from now, yes. Nice.

Closing And Where To Find Gloria

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Oh it's so exciting, and I just yeah, I can't wait to see things unfold for you, business and romantic wise. Yeah, because I I see the shift. The shift is insane, it's almost overnight, but I see it, and I really believe in your growth, and yeah, you're gonna knock the socks off of everything that you put your energy to. So exciting. Oh, well, thank you so much for sharing your story. This, I'm sure a lot of women listening to this will feel this wake-up call. Um, one thing we all need to, you know, know, and you obviously do, is that when we share our stories, it just gives people permission to be open about theirs, make the change. Um, and that's what sisterhood's all about. So thank you so much for being so open, sharing that with us. Um, so details of Gloria's business. If anyone's interested and they're thinking, oh, that sounds like a bit of me, and I'm in the area, um, I will put Gloria stuff below in the podcast notes so you can have a look and reach out on Instagram. We've got a business page on Instagram, I would imagine. Yeah. So like go ahead, make friends, do what you need to do. Um