"WHERE are all the men that have done the self-work?" with ex Actress and Model Turned Book Coach, Bridgetta Tomarchio

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm loving this way. I'm hoping that you stay. I, I owe it. It's only a little. Was it that wish don't wanna leave me? Stay, I, I owe it. It's only a little. You, I'm loving you. You, I'm hoping that you stay. I, I owe it. It's only a little. I say that I go out, okay.

Speaker 1: 0:36

I was like yeah, you're cool, it's sabotage. Hi guys, welcome back to the show, welcome back to Self Made and Single. I am your host, rachel Rose. I feel like I've met my spirit twin right here, someone who I think as soon as I go back to Florida again, I have to let her know I'm in her town. I have the wonderful Brigetta Tomacchio, who is a publicist, business and book coach, and what we're going to be talking about is where are the? Chris GQ GQ Perris? I mean, as my future husband, I should say his name properly Chris GQ Perris of the world. If you don't know who that is, I didn't know who that was about 10 minutes ago. Pause, go and Google him, drool over him. Remember that I'm gonna marry him and come back, done? I've said what I've had to say. The man is fine. Maybe he'll listen. Hey, chris, maybe he will. You never know. How's the September wedding for you? You like that, I like that, I like that can I organize the wedding?

Speaker 2: 1:39

That'd be great. You can. I like that.

Speaker 1: 1:41

I like that and hopefully he doesn't have a partner. Sorry about that, but like, yeah, it is what it is. So welcome Brigetta. So please tell us a little bit about your business. You're very, very successful when you've been on TV back in the past, but I know you're doing a lot of other things, so tell us all about it.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Sure, I've grown up in the entertainment industry, so, yes, I used to be in front of the camera, TV film modeling many, many things.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Modeling okay, she kept that a secret. Yeah, I've done all kinds of stuff and I think my last thing actually was in 2012. I had a Harley-Davidson deal and I was in all their catalogs and whatnot Way back then and I had a really bad motorcycle wreck back in 2012 Sort of changed me. I'm fine, I don't have like little scars you can't even tell, but at the time it just took me out and I paused and was like what am I doing? And but I've always been in intertwined with publicity and whatnot. Scratch, to rewind 2007, I had my own TV series on Direct TV and from when I had that, we had our own publicist and I just felt like they weren't doing anything for us and at the time I had wanted to go. My dream was like to go to Sundance that's what I wanted to do and get into all the cool parties. That's like what's that? The biggest film festival that there is besides Cannes? There's Cannes in there.

Speaker 1: 3:18

Okay, I'll go right ahead.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Almost fun. Yeah, Amazing films and epic parties. Like you would love it. California yeah, no, it's actually in Utah. Probably would have not.

Speaker 1: 3:31

Heck, wait, wait, I'm not gonna embarrass myself. Utah is the state, isn't it? It's a state, Okay, done, I was about to say another state, which is definitely not. They're not the same thing. Done, utah, done.

Speaker 2: 3:44

Park City, utah, which is like a ski town. It's like queen. It's so adorable. When I hear Utah, I think desert. They have. I think they have. You know, it's a really good question. I think I think it's desert, yeah, I mean kind of, but there's still tons of mountains, tons of mountains. So, like in the summer, it'll get dry, right.

Speaker 2: 4:07

I don't know if it rains, how much it rains there, but I mean it gets pretty dusty, so drier environment, but it rains like crazy and I mean it snows like crazy in the winter. There's some of the best ski resorts that are. There Is Telluride there, that's Colorado. Okay, okay, okay almost. But Utah has some really good ones too Nice okay.

Speaker 2: 4:33

It's like a big thing to go. And my publicist was like oh, I tried to get you in, but they all said no. And I kind of laughed at him like they wouldn't have said no, Because one of my BFFs kind of runs Sundance, so there's just no way that. And of course I asked him. He's like yeah, your name didn't come across here at all. Oh my god. So at that point I realized she's doing nothing Is kind of a thing in the industry. Many publicists say they do stuff and they don't. But there's many that do, but there's many that didn't, and from my experience. And so I thought you know what? I'm just going to do this myself, but you can't do it yourself. It looks bad. So I created a fake name and a fake email and I pitched myself Please laugh.

Speaker 1: 5:24

What was your fake? Can you say your fake name? Can you say your fake name?

Speaker 2: 5:27

I can tell people know now, marty Jenkins, marty Jenkins. I don't know if it was a girl or a boy, it just was in it. No one asked. So therefore, marty was just Marty. Yeah, it's just. Marty's done some actual heavy deals for me too. Marty has done some. Yeah, marty's gotten some deals for me too. Marty's done a few contracts for me as well as for his senior, your alter ego.

Speaker 1: 6:00

Just that name, marty's, just like Scarred me a little bit from the Ozarks. That's all I can see. I can just see that character, okay, oh, and thank you for your compassion with my allergies. I'm just literally sneezing through this whole episode.

Speaker 2: 6:16

I feel so sorry.

Speaker 1: 6:17

It's okay, it's the weather, but it's because it's nice outside, so that's good. So, yes, so, marty, your shadow, my shadow person, yes.

Speaker 2: 6:28

So from there Marty became really well known and more and more people wanted Marty which they knew was me to be their publicist. So it just kind of took off and in 2007, my PR firm was built. What?

Speaker 1: 6:42

a story.

Speaker 2: 6:46

That's crazy. But I've also worked with some really big names. You know through and since like 2002, I've worked with names like Bal Kilmer. If you're familiar, he was Batman, he was in Tombstone. He's more of an older but yeah, I have many stories with that and I've worked with him for like 16 years, on and off, so I've had some really big names. So even working with him, that's kind of I was in the industry. Everyone respected that. I worked with him and I had so many contacts because of working with him but also my own contacts, of being in front of the camera and behind. I've produced, I've worked in casting like name it all sides Nice.

Speaker 2: 7:24

So when I started my PR firm and I really dove into 2012, was like that's it, I'm not in front anymore, I'm behind. And it felt really good too, because I have so many interests and I wanted to be originally the one that was doing all these things. But now what's cool is like I'm happy with myself where I'm at and I don't need to be the doer. My clients are the ones that are doing these things and I'm living vicariously. Now I have my own crazy life, but I live vicariously. You know through them and what they're doing, and so my gift is to get their message out to the world.

Speaker 2: 7:59

And where I'm at now is I do work a lot with A-list and influencers, but also coaches, leaders, speakers. I want to work with people that are bringing an awesome message to the world, that are helping people grow in some way, and then how that turned into business. Coaching is. So many people would come to me and the question that I ask was if you're to be on Good Morning America or Ellen or Oprah tomorrow, can you handle it? Are you ready? Is your business ready? And I'd say, like 80% of the time, no. Don't have their website set up correctly. It's not clear who they are, what they do or what they're selling. They don't have their email list, their funnels, their call to actions I mean, the list kind of goes on to what you need to create a successful PR campaign.

Speaker 2: 8:49

So that's when I started like, okay, I'm going to get you ready for that, and that was business coaching. So I would business coach, get their business, their platform, whatever it is, ready for PR, and it might take a month, it might take six months, I don't depending where they're at never really six months, but you know, because I was pretty fast. But to get them there, and most, I'd say most of my coaches and people, clients, they have a book and so I started really diving into the book world and even with Val Val's, you know, put out a book and scripts and whatnot. I've always kind of started being into that world, but it's focused. My niche now is really focusing on authors or people that want to enhance their career through writing a book, and I love doing it.

Speaker 2: 9:34

Like I'm a book nerd. I've always been a book nerd. Like I'm that girl. That's gosh. I remember like, do you remember? Like in elementary school, did you ever have those book contests To see how many books you could choose? And the prices weren't ever good enough. They were never that good. But I was like so competitive, I was like I'm gonna, you know, oh, you're at 100, I'm gonna get 200. I was like just ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 9:59

Yeah, I'm super competitive, by the way, and I compete with myself, which is like I mean, that's, this is like I said, like offline guys, she's like she's Capricorn woman. I was like I think, like not okay, that part, I think, is quite Capricorn-y, though they're like wanting to succeed, but the the fun this like actually.

Speaker 1: 10:19

you know, I'm gonna do better than you I feel like that's more of a Satch thing as well, probably. Yeah, satch is wanna be like no, no, no, actually I'm also. I've got a superpower, I'm gonna make sure you know. You know Exactly no, I love and are you? Are you the kind of person who's like physical book, or are you? Glad you asked that yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:41

Well, thanks, so I love my physical books.

Speaker 1: 10:43

And like great.

Speaker 2: 10:45

Here's a client book right here, like I, I love. I love the smell of them, I like have it in my hand, I like going back and highlighting, even like the steamy romance ones, like you know, the Christian Gray series. Yes, I loved it, you know I want them. I love just curling up and just taking that. That's like my meditation, right? However, I have a three year old, so times have changed and there's not any time to sit and read books unless he passes out, but even then it's like I just wanna work and catch up on things I didn't get to do. So now I do both. I order the book to have the physical copy and then I do the audio. Yes, the car, because we're in the car ride, Right, so much either driving him to school or seeing my parents or whatever it may be. We listen to the audio in the car.

Speaker 1: 11:33

Yes, Do you know if? I can't remember what clever person said this, but if you do both, it speeds up your like intake of what's happening in the book. It's like a genius hack, Like people will write about that and say, if you would like learning a new language or something like that, you should do both.

Speaker 2: 11:51

That makes cause you're seeing an audio, so it's like two different ways of going. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Yeah, so I mean, that is really exciting. You've just done so many different things. I just wonder why this business now, what has been shifting in your life to get you to a place where this is what you're focusing on? Cause it sounds like you've got so many different talents.

Speaker 2: 12:19

Thank you. I asked myself, in a way, why I'm doing that now too. It's what's funny to ask that. And I'll say this I've always wanted to be a writer, which I do have a coming out, and I have a children's series coming out and whatnot, and it's always been a dream and a passion of mine ever since I was a little girl. But I also used to get made fun of for writing or for reading as many books as I did, or you know it wasn't hot back in the day.

Speaker 2: 12:45

No, but I think that was like I'm gonna read as many books Like I. Just honestly, it was my way of escaping. You know, I grew up in a household that my father's Sicilian hot head yeah, and I'm gonna say it in a nice way, he's a hot head.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Yes, pussionate.

Speaker 2: 13:04

Yeah, very, and to just escape the screaming or what was happening, I would run to my room and I'd read a book and I would just go to the book and I would read about these other lives that people had and I would have just escaped into them and I was really quiet as a kid too, like I was probably very Capricorn-y, I was just super shy and I think it came from probably the screaming you know and growing up with. Do I have a voice? Can I talk?

Speaker 2: 13:33

I don't know what I'm gonna be yelling at, kind of thing. And that shifted when I was eight years old and I got into acting Nice Only because my teacher would squirt water bottles out of us. Be louder, I can't hear you in the back. Whoa Is that?

Speaker 1: 13:47

legal, not anymore. Where was this?

Speaker 2: 13:51

school Was this Florida. It was in Maryland and Baltimore outside of Baltimore area. Wow, things have really changed.

Speaker 1: 13:57

I wish that was allowed when I was a teacher. I would have been like the huge, like super circus.

Speaker 2: 14:03

Like yeah, and I was shocked at first. I remember being like whoa, but it worked, she was fun. It had a fun way of you know, she would be in the way back of the theater because I was in theater way back at the theater. I can't hear you squirt, squirt, and you're like whoa and she would kind of shock you. But it was meant to be like not mean, but like funny, yeah, or louder, still can't hear you, yes, and like okay, okay, okay, stop squirting water, I'm louder, I'm louder, you know, and it would get you out of your shell. Yeah, it was an interesting tactic but it worked, because now I don't shut up, now I'm really loud.

Speaker 2: 14:38

I feel like and I have her to thank and honestly, those were some of the best moments of my life was being a part of that theater, feeling accepted, feeling the love, having just this bond with other you know, kids, and going through the same things and learning together and growing together. And it was, yeah, I loved it, absolutely loved it. But so I would dive into scripts and dive into books way back, and I think that I kind of shied away from it because it was like I'd hear my dad's voice almost in a way. How can you make a career of this? This isn't a career. Stop putting your nose in a book. Yeah, yes, you know we're gonna be anywhere with that. Really, look at me now, right, because?

Speaker 1: 15:23

as we connected offline. It's like my ex-partner's Sicilian family. It's very traditional, like you do things that are gonna earn you money, that are obvious, like trade stuff, and it's like, well, you know what's interesting. You know, when we are sad or we're feeling happy or we're feeling angry or any emotion, we always turn to the arts music, or we watch a film or we physically go to a museum. So it's like we need the arts just as important. You know, like oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:59

So my question is how does you guys can't? Well, if you're listening, you obviously can't see Rajeta, because she's really stunning. So I'm just like a woman who's so stunning, so talented, why are you on my show? Because you shouldn't have qualified. Basically, anyone's in a relationship is like get out, go away. We don't want you guys. At the moment things can change, you know me, I'm Chameleon.

Speaker 1: 16:23

Maybe next season's gonna be something else, but you know you, how do you fare in the dating world? Because surely people don't even stand a chance Because you're gonna have so many options. So tell us about your experience and why no one's been lucky enough to have you.

Speaker 2: 16:44

It's very interesting. Actually, originally it was because being in the industry and being friends with who I was friends with are associated with many A-listers. I was just in that crowd. You know, I'm still kind of in the crowd, but not as I was, and I was on TV so people would look at me. I mean, I was on this commercial that aired 24-7. I was so known from this commercial. It's the Extends commercial, but out there, in case you don't know, it's the Penis Pill Enlargement commercial that aired literally all hours of the night.

Speaker 1: 17:16

Extends. It's called Extends.

Speaker 2: 17:18

It's called Extends.

Speaker 1: 17:19

There's so many things I have to Google now. I have to look at this now. Oh, if you Google, you're gonna Penis enlargement Yep, guest or length.

Speaker 2: 17:28

That's a good question. I was never with anyone who did it, so I don't know. Although people would send photos, I would get massive oh yeah, it was a lot, but I would get recognized everywhere I went. So a part of me was like, are you wanting to date me for me and actually get to know who I am, or is it just because I'm on TV or I'm friends with this person or that person, or it's this you always want to date, the model, or it's this dream that you've had that people see, or now it's social media. You want to live, you want to spread to all your friends. So am I this prize in this way, like on the pedestal, or do you actually really want to get to know me and who I am? And so that has been this whole, I'd say, struggle and I would only date people. I think this is also why other celebrities it's like you're in that world, you're immersed in that world. They get you, they know you and it's safe. And that's kind of why I stayed in with that realm and or people that I've known, you know, and became naturally good friends with or hit it off with. That's where it would kind of lead to.

Speaker 2: 18:45

I back in 2019, I was friends with a man and I know I was 41 at the time and I'm, like, you know, 40, was I 40? Or, anyway, 40, I think it was 40. I really wanted a baby. That was just my dream I. It's kind of funny because I, when I was a kid, I always thought I'd be married and I'm going to have all these kids, and I love kids. It's just, they've always been a passion of mine. I, you know just I love working with kids. I used to teach kids yoga. It was just super fun.

Speaker 2: 19:16

And being in the industry I'm not any industry really, but I feel like in that industry, kind of like the Gwen Stefani song, walking in a spider web. It's like you're in the spider web and you don't realize that. You know, I remember saying I'm never going to be 30 in this bar, this nightclub, I'm never going to be 40 in a bar. And then I was 40 in the bar, in the nightclub, like what, what am I doing? Where did time go? You know, everyone's so focused on their careers and having fun and I will say it is a really fun.

Speaker 2: 19:50

Living in Hollywood, I lived a very colorful life, but in it, you know, when you're in it, it's hard to see anything else but that, and so I started dating someone who was not in that, got pregnant very quickly and there you go and I left. I left in 2019 and moved to the Midwest, which was really hard for me, by the way, really hard. A drastic change, yeah, yeah, very drastic. I was 18 years in California, you know, and living the life and living the dream, and before that I had lived in a few other places New York and North Carolina also working at home and TV.

Speaker 2: 20:34

So yeah, moving to the Midwest was a big shock. I was there for a couple of years.

Speaker 2: 20:40

And but I made it. You know I was making it work. It's. I had the dream home, because you get more for your money there. So I had this huge dream home and this huge yard and the beautiful neighborhood that you would envision, you know, or that you dream of raising a kid in, and that was exciting. And trying my best to make a relationship work, that really didn't fit in the first place. I actually didn't move until I was seven months pregnant because I wasn't sure it was the right. You know there were a lot of red flags, right, but you're pregnant and so, being a Sicilian, it's like no, we're gonna stick with family and we're gonna make it work. And we tried everything you could possibly think of to make it work.

Speaker 2: 21:23

And it just wasn't the best place emotionally for me or my son to be in anymore, or really anyone. I've been in the city of kids too. It wasn't good or healthy for anyone. So I had to make moves and chose to, which was really hard. I went through a lot of therapy. I mean, hypnosis was actually one of the big winners Nice Help, encourage, because I'd be pulled back in. I would wanna get out and then pulled back in and I was just so back and forth of what to do, even to the last minute of down to the wire of moving. I just I wasn't sure, like maybe I should not, you know, even a couple of weeks ago. It's like it goes in and out. But now, being here, having sovereignty over myself when I say that, I mean I'm not screamed at anymore, I don't have to hear you yelling. My son doesn't have to be in a toxic environment, that was the biggest choice.

Speaker 2: 22:24

It's taken a lot and so much and a lot of deep inner work as well, and I will say that I'm in a place now that I've never been in my entire life. I've done many methods of healing work, from shamanic to past lives, to Reiki, to medicine ceremonies, which are effective, but you know, everything helps in some way, but nothing really could. Emdr that helps a lot too. I mean, I've tried everything to think of, been on retreats worldwide, but the one that's really the one thing that has been really working for me was shadow work, and so that's what I've been doing. It's been so intense, but it's been like instantaneous changes which have been so profound, and so I'm just, I feel really good and where I'm at now, I'm very clear on what I want, who I'm going to allow in my life and boundaries, which I never had boundaries before. It's just I mean I did, but not to the extent I wasn't taught that, especially in the entertainment world. You're just not really taught that at all. You know there's-.

Speaker 1: 23:33

It benefits the entertainment world.

Speaker 2: 23:34

The lower your boundaries are yes, yeah, and you're seeing that come out now with all these stories that are going on. Luckily, I've been blessed because I've known some, I mean even then. I've just always been blessed to not have I have crazy stories, but not to have to go through what many have gone through with, what's kind of coming out now in the entertainment world. But anyway, yeah, so I feel good with being single, like I feel I'm okay. Sure, there are moments where I'm like, oh, I wish I could have a partner to run some ideas off of or travel to a really cool place or have some support, because I do have a little one, yes, but it will be a man who's enlightened and aligned, and if I have to wait a while, then I have to wait a while.

Speaker 2: 24:22

I waited 41 years to have a child, so I have to wait longer for the right one to come in. So be it. You know I am open to it. I've been playing around on the apps just to kind of see what's out there, which has been just very intriguing, because what have you seen? Tell us. Oh, yeah, yeah, you know, what bothers me the most is if you're on an app like, do you have hinge over there?

Speaker 1: 24:50

Yes, do you know what's so funny? I was gonna say what apps do you guys use?

Speaker 2: 24:53

over there.

Speaker 1: 24:54

Hinge is now all the rage at the moment here. It wasn't always. It was Bumble, Don't know if you guys have Bumble, we have Bumble, it's pretty popular.

Speaker 2: 25:02

I'm not on it because I am traditional where I want the man to make the moves. I just oh, like that, yeah, yeah and sure, maybe I'd go and bubble eventually. I just don't have time for it. Like I, just I want to see what's out there. I'll dabble a little bit. If it comes back, great. But I'm not gonna go hunting, no.

Speaker 1: 25:20

I think, I think, just thinking when Bumble established itself, it was when Tinder was like you were throwing a dick pic a minute. And I think someone was just like let me save everyone for now. And it was just like, okay, let's just protect the women. But then I hear what you're saying. I think if you want to be more in your feminine energy, then not 100%, maybe what you are gonna be looking for. That makes sense.

Speaker 2: 25:47

I'm doing that that way. Yeah, well, it's funny because back in the day, I think I've always worked more in. I've learned the balance very quickly, but I've been in masculine for quite some time.

Speaker 2: 26:00

So, I'm just, I'm very, yeah, I'm very happy, and so have I been on Bumble in the past yeah, but not for long. Now it just doesn't. No, I don't want that. I want to be. I want them to whine and die me in a way, but I also don't want to waste my time with anyone. That I don't feel is a line. And what I hate? This is one of the things that I hate. I hate when you go on and you click, are you Like I'm spiritual. What does that mean? Though? There are some, can you dive in, and so what drives me crazy is like okay, so I went out on there and there's no little box that tells you these are all the things in my box that I'm looking for, and that bothers me too, because so one of the guys said to me okay, well, tell me what's in your box.

Speaker 2: 26:45

Here's a box and he, like, sent a box emoji. What's in it? And so I stated what I wanted. I want it must be an enlightened man who's done a lot of self-work, I mean, has their own job, and I say that some other qualities integrity and honesty, things that I haven't had, I definitely are a must. But what are the things too?

Speaker 2: 27:05

And then I wrote back where I was going through my list and just kind of going off. And then I wrote back and I said, oh, and doesn't have to be spiritual, but has to be open to that. I'm going to sage the house when I feel off on a full moon, yeah, and it's going to be crystals everywhere, and I don't want to be shamed or blamed for it. It's just like, hey, that's what she's doing, cool, that's what she's doing. So it'd be great if you were open to it and maybe we're aligned as well. I want to go to a sound healing with someone. I want to go to Tony Robbins events. I want to do things that are inspiring. I want my partner to kind of be aligned in that way where, if I want to go and do things that are going to be self-help or helping myself or our relationship, that you're open to it and it's like a hell, yes, I want to go on retreats. I still love doing that, so that's what.

Speaker 2: 28:00

And so remember the man being like oh, ok, bye. Really he was Paul Totally. So it's been interesting of going through. It's also been interesting because I've had a lot of men that say that they just dump, they dump on me and they're like, when they dump on me, they like they emotionally dump, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought, well, I'm a coach, I don't do life coaching anymore, but it looks like you know you've got a lot of self-work that you still need to work through. Your wife of 20 years ago that you're venting on still like that is something that should have been work. You know music you work through I'm not dating you with that. So I gave some suggestions like here try EMDR, try shadow work, yeah, try this, you know. And but we're not aligned right now. Thank you and delete. But it's just, there's really just not much out there. I recently discovered a spiritual and singles app. I haven't really gone on it yet, but what's it called?

Speaker 1: 28:59

I think that I was on. If it's some, it might be something I've seen and I can tell you.

Speaker 2: 29:04

I think it's called spiritual and single. I don't remember off to send it to you later.

Speaker 1: 29:08

There was one years ago, like 10 years ago, which was like I think it was called like mind. I think it was actually so obvious, like mindful, something like very like, hey, I'm going to try and be creative, something like that. So it's interesting that you're saying like you want someone who's open, because I feel the same. I can't really deal with someone who's fanatic. Yeah, because, yeah, I just feel like, as human beings, when we're either side of the spectrum, we're judgmental and we make it nasty, we make it icky, so I don't want to. You know, there are days where it's like, okay, I've got healing, and then there's another day it was like, oh, some new Loubertons have come out. They look nice.

Speaker 1: 29:54

I'm the same way. I'm the same way. Yeah, I want to be judged like I like what I like I'm allowed to be multiple women in one. You know, like we thought so hard to be that, you know, rather than I'm just one person. So there are times where you feel more connected to your guides than you don't. And if you have someone who's so fanatic it's like, oh, you're doing this today or you're eating that from, and it's maybe it's a micro, micro waved meal. It's like, oh, farm, you know where it comes from. And it's like, yeah, I'm hungry, that's what, that's what's happening. I'm hungry, going in my mouth, like, just yeah, and if they're open, it's just they. You is the best of both worlds. Like you get to be you without the judgment you know, yeah, and that's what I'm really looking for is.

Speaker 2: 30:43

Is that support? So, and it's interesting too, because back in the day, if I were to do online Things, I had to change my name because everyone knew for Jedda.

Speaker 1: 30:52

They.

Speaker 2: 30:53

Google it, and now I've been out of the limelight for so long that I use my name, but so that's just been interesting you know how did you deal with like people do, they Google you before a day and they were like yeah, which I mean you could still do now, I'm sure, but I I don't, I Don't.

Speaker 2: 31:13

I mean I'm not a model actress anymore, so I don't, that's not my. I'm a book coach, so they probably wouldn't. If they did, they'd find a lot of shit, lot of you know. Fun, scandal, fun. I mean it might be scandalous to some people Party photos, I mean I, I was, I was a party girl in LA. I mean I went to every single one you could think of. I had. I threw them. You know I was at all the ones you can you think of that are in the movies that you see. I've seen it, been there.

Speaker 1: 31:47

Mmm.

Speaker 2: 31:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:49

See over here like we love the idea of an American party. So my mind's just gone. Now, especially in Hollywood, it'd be like oh yeah, dream and cat if you went to the cans one be like oh yeah, but do you? Did you think that when they did show up and they definitely had googled you, that they already thought they knew who you were?

Speaker 2: 32:08

Yeah, that's not in their mind that I would be easy. I would be dumb, I would be, have much to say, I would be yeah, it was interesting and I am also not some. I'm very strong personality, I'm very cool and chill to get along with, but I'm also not somebody who you're not gonna order for me at all. No, and I remember dating someone or just going on a date with someone and he was like so I've ordered all of this and I'm like that's great, but I'm not eating any of that.

Speaker 1: 32:39

So I ordered it. So what did you? Oh, had you gone to the toilet and you come back and he's like, yeah, I've don't worry, I've got you.

Speaker 2: 32:47

Yeah, yeah, what if you had a, what?

Speaker 1: 32:49

if you had a not allergy. I have not, I'm.

Speaker 2: 32:52

Celiac, by the way. So I'm yeah, exactly, and I am allergic to like so many crazy things. But he had it in his mind You're gonna try this anyway. No, no, no, we're gonna take like no, yeah. So I remember that I actually he was so pushy, he was ridiculous. I actually went up and got up to leave in the middle of the date because I had had it at that point and Like pulling me back and I was like, first of all, do not touch me. Yeah, it was a whole and it was interesting.

Speaker 2: 33:21

I hate to say um, and maybe that's Like the way his culture was, because it was from a country that I don't want to say digress, did to great women a little bit, but he seemed he was attractive, he seemed nice, you know, you just don't know. On there and it presented itself in a whole new way. Like I'm like you know what you need a stepford wife, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. And I'm like pretty easy to go. I just don't want again Someone, I mean, I think, anyone. You don't want someone ordering for you unless you ask, hey, is it okay? Do you have any allergies? Like maybe they take some interest in you to have allergies. What do you like? You know, I would love for you to try something new. This is my favorite. Would you want to try it? Sure, like then, that's totally open something else you know absolutely.

Speaker 2: 34:14

My biggest concern is just having a gluten allergy, and there's gluten in everything, so it's like for me, I need to always even that they say gluten-free on the menu, by the way.

Speaker 1: 34:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:25

Not because it's fried in the same fryer is something. Yes, I'm just so sensitive, so I have. I'm that person that I'm a pain in the ass when you take me out.

Speaker 2: 34:35

No you're you, that's the thing, make sure you know. But Like, yeah, I mean, that's, that's my, that's my one box and I tell everyone up front here's where I'm a pain in the ass if we go. It has to be a gluten-free Friendly place and I need to call beforehand and just make sure that the menu I mean almost every place has it. Now every Italian restaurant has at least one gluten-free bosta, you know. And but is it actually?

Speaker 1: 35:05

gluten-free because I've had. Oh, we are okay, all right.

Speaker 2: 35:09

You're right, there are some, I'm gonna just know. But the time here I'd say pizza is a different story. Right, it could all be made on and they'll tell you. Usually when you call or I'll ask, like I'll ask to speak to the manager, the chef, usually just because of it, but yeah, that's where that's. But I told her this is more on a pain in the ass. I'm not really a pain in the ass in any other areas. I'm pretty chill, like I just I mean I'm go at the flow, but yeah, when it comes to the food, just because I don't want to be sick for a week, because it's a week, yeah, and but also I think, like in this day and age, like now, that allergens you know unfortunately had to be Someone suffering first for the world to wake up more about allergens, a particularly nuts.

Speaker 1: 35:51

I don't know if you heard about the Paramon Jair story in the UK, but wait, I say that like you know what Paramon Jair is. It's a. It sounds really fancy and it's absolutely not our well. It's. It's like I don't know the equivalent in the US, but it's like a God what is it?

Speaker 1: 36:09

it's kind of like a takeaway cafe, okay, but very accessible. They have like thousands of branches, not only in the UK, france, germany, netherlands. Cheap, cheerful, you get in, you get your sandwich, you go. Blah, blah, blah. And what was the equivalent?

Speaker 2: 36:31

maybe like subway. Do you guys have subway?

Speaker 1: 36:33

so we have subway, I Would say not like subway, because subway they like what do you want? And it's like made to order, whereas this is just like you get what you get. Like McDonald's, yes, but they don't cook anything in the place. Got it? Oh, okay. So it's like cold deli stuff, okay Okay. What would that be?

Speaker 2: 36:56

We don't have anything, no.

Speaker 1: 36:58

You didn't say anything Like actually, no, maybe in California, maybe there'll be like a small chain, something like that that sounds, or San Fran I can imagine that in San Fran, okay, but so that's what it is and basically they don't really like deviate that much from them. I knew it's kind of the same thing. So this girl, poor girl, got the sandwich, didn't have the allergens in it. She died. She was allergic to nuts and I almost had an issue before that happened to her poor thing. There was a typical sandwich I'd love. This is such a detour. Sorry guys, but this is just how we are.

Speaker 1: 37:33

Unfortunately, it was like a brie, brie cheese and cranberry sandwich and it's just one of those like oh yeah, good, like luxury sandwich. I was like, yeah, I'm going to have that today. And it was Christmas time and I didn't realize they remixed it for Christmas. So I'm busy on the phone, I'm not looking at things, I'm not reading the thing because they weren't in bold back then. There wasn't an allergen, it was just ingredient. I was like, oh, yeah, I see brie, yeah, that's the one and I bite into it and it's hard, oh my. And I was like, oh, what's that? Had to spit it out and it's this green thing. Now, I've never seen a pistachio in my life before until that moment, so I had to Google it and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I think that's it actually. So, yeah, you know it's a really big thing.

Speaker 1: 38:25

Like I just think now we're in a different place in the world. Like, yeah, I think that's like minimum. If you're not, if you don't get shocked when I say like, oh, I'm allergic to something and you don't like change how you've, you know, gone about stuff, then it's gonna work.

Speaker 2: 38:41

Exactly, exactly, yes, because I don't want to feel like I'm a burden either, and I can't. My previous relationships, yeah, I felt that way. You know you can only eat at the same two restaurants. Well, I mean, I I'd love to open a restaurant eventually, but this is where I'm at and if you don't like it, that's okay, you go eat where you need to eat. This is just what I can do, or?

Speaker 1: 39:16

we can go eat something.

Speaker 2: 39:18

Yeah, yeah, but anyway, it's just I want, yeah, that's, that's a big deal, you're right. And if they can't, they can't adapt, or that's a good, it's a good thing, yeah. And if they can't? Adapt they can't be ashamed or blamed.

Speaker 1: 39:34

Yeah, and it's because I have, I've had, I've been shamed about it, like I know. I mean I've already asked God. First of all, I've asked to be a man because I'm like it'd be nice to play on the other side. It'd be nice, but then probably the thing is in the next world, maybe it's like women are favored like from scratch, and then it'd be like, oh damn.

Speaker 2: 39:52

Exactly, exactly. I'm right there with you.

Speaker 1: 39:56

I totally yeah, but I've asked in my last like no nuts next time no allergies, no food allergies. And he said cool, like so.

Speaker 2: 40:04

I'm saying I like that I need to check into you and make sure that yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:07

Put your order in, otherwise, if you don't ask, you don't get.

Speaker 2: 40:09

This is true. This is true.

Speaker 1: 40:12

So so you've told us a bit about, like, what you're looking for moving forward. So what I love to do with our guests, as I was mentioning offline, is you know, there are some things from our childhood that we are actively healing and we are, we're aware of it, we know it's our thing. For mine, abandonment wounds are a huge thing in different, varying degrees in terms of, I know, the kind of person that triggers it, the kind of attachment style that triggers it, etc. So so that's my personal thing. My dad left when I was really. He left the house when I was really young, so I was like four, and then disappeared from the planet when I was 18.

Speaker 1: 40:52

Like he's kind of like I don't know about in the US, but like 18 is like the last date where you have to pay child support, yeah. So he was like, well, I think I'm done. So, yeah, to this day nowhere to be seen, but we know he lives in the UK, which is just, you know, the UK is a tiny, tiny island, so you know. But so what about yourself? Is there anything that you know for sure from your childhood that is something you're actively healing and aware of and you're going to, you know, make it your almost your life's work in that side of your life to make sure that that isn't a wound that affects the quality of relationships moving forward.

Speaker 2: 41:28

Totally. And actually that's what I've been working on with shadow work. That's been so profound that no one else could break through to. And it's funny, shadow work. You go in for one thing and then it totally spins off into a totally different direction and you're like, wow, that came from when I was five and it was like I was said this and wow, it was just so. It's so mind blowing. Yeah, mine is. This is going to sound really funny, really learning to accept and love a good man. What is that like? What is true love? What does that feel like? And one of the things I've been working through especially came up last night. I did a full moon virtual ceremony with these women and my coach leads them and what feels funny is like I'm so used to dating these men that are half and half out, which usually looks like the ear half and half out, right.

Speaker 2: 42:22

But also I had, I was dating men that were abusive, and not always, but some men were abusive in some way. That was the father wounds, right, and this last one I am done. There is no more of that ever again, but it was like always trying to. You know, I could change them, I could win them over if I could just love them a little more. Maybe they could see that they the good in that, you know. So it's just no, no, no.

Speaker 2: 42:49

And what's funny is is when a really good guy in the past has come and showed up, I would. This is the. This is the analogy that I told my coach. You know, when you eat a candy and so super sweet, but it kind of like hits the back of your ears and it just like makes you a little nauseous because it's too sweet, right, that's what I would feel. I get the same feeling. When a really good man would show up, I'd be like, ooh, I can't do it Interesting. I would be like okay, too much, and I would go for the bad one.

Speaker 2: 43:22

And what I've sat with is there's been, there's been, a couple of good men that have shown up in my life quite recently. That are, you know whether they're friends or whatever, but if they, they might try. And I get like, ooh, I feel that feeling. Okay, now I'm sitting with it, like, let me just kind of relax into it. What would it be? Is it really that bad? Is it really like you know? And and sitting with that and and what came up in last night's full moon thing was she had to do a meditation and there was you're in this room and you're locked in this room and you really you see a better version of yourself on the other side, and where is that? And so I had envisioned this. Believe it or not, it's this little. It was so cute. This beautiful garden. Do you know? Nora Roberts is the author.

Speaker 1: 44:10

No, she's like. I love her. She's a really sexy author.

Speaker 2: 44:15

Yeah, because she writes about some witchy things, but in all of her stories it's yeah, in all of her stories it's like romance and there's some hot sexy scenes, but there's always a lesson in them. And I she's my favorite author, I love her of all times. Nice, yeah, and there's always like summer witchy and some aren't, but they all are amazing. And so one of them it was this, where I envisioned where many of her books were, where this beautiful hill with these epic gardens and trees, and I saw this version of myself in this, looking very goddessy and this hot pink dress, and I was picking herbs and there was a man there and there was my son and he was helping. He was older and he was picking, you know something from the trees too, and we were laughing and having such a good time. And it's like I'm inside the window looking out like almost like you know, my face pressed against the window and I kind of want to be there. But then again I'm not sure. So she walks you through this visual and here's a lock on the door and what did it say on the lock? And my lock said trust. And there was a key, and my key said love. So I had, which everyone had a different experience on the call, and so I was like, okay, I'm going to put this love into the trust lock, I'm going to turn it.

Speaker 2: 45:25

And then I stepped through Nice. When I stepped through, it was this overwhelming love. That was like not, but I didn't get sour, I didn't want to throw up. You know, I didn't get that feeling. I just wanted to help spit it out Like I normally. It was like I actually walked into it and it felt so good and so loving and I just wanted to be a part of it. And then I was like, okay, I am a part of it. This is my world now. And so I've been working through that and I just felt like last night was tying a lot into okay. Okay, I think I'm ready for the good guys and that love to not reject it, because my lessons for many, many, you know, relationships where I wouldn't allow it in, even if it showed up, I just wouldn't. I was self punishing in some way, which I was self punishing in some way, and that is. That is no more than as done.

Speaker 2: 46:19

So it's like trust is a big one for me. I want the man is fully trustful, that I can just not have to worry about, you know, and there's no lies, everything is just open on the table. And but again, last night it's like I'm stepping into that. I have what's showing up now are people that are in that I'm also telling the universe. Now, you know, being on those apps and delete. You know, when I cross those ones which before I wouldn't, I'm like, oh well, maybe I could change them, cause that was my thing, maybe I could change them, maybe they would shift, maybe I could really show them love enough, which really was a reflection on I didn't feel loved enough, you know, I or I wasn't enough. So what's been really empowering is really learning to love myself. I am enough, I am loved enough, and then that is what it's going to show up for me in return, because that's what I'm putting out.

Speaker 1: 47:15

So yeah, yeah, beautiful. Oh, at least it's just a taste of your journey and I wish we had longer because, honestly, it's been such a joy and I think you know that realization and this stage of real life is going to be so exciting. So where can we find you on social media so that we can follow you and follow all of this happening to you?

Speaker 2: 47:37

Absolutely it's. I'm on Instagram at real Brigetta, and it's because I had fakers, so it's R E A, l, b R I D G E T T A real.

Speaker 1: 47:47

Brigetta, see, I was going to add you hold on. If you hold on to you right now, yeah, If not things will happen.

Speaker 2: 47:55

Things will happen, yes, and then I'm on.

Speaker 1: 47:58

I mean I'm going to get hungry, I'm going to start reacting.

Speaker 2: 48:03

And my sitter has to leave too, so another old thing, but this is like perfect, right.

Speaker 1: 48:10

So let me get you. Let me get you, and I don't know if it's just because you're a Sicilian, but just speaking to you, I really want to have some pasta now. So music, thanks. And in the last minute I was like so gnocchi or totally.

Speaker 2: 48:32

So the dot real, it's not the, it's just real, real, real Brigetta, real Brigetta. And then my website is Brigettacom. Oh, I got you. I was online. I was online Okay.

Speaker 1: 48:46

Wonderful, amazing, thank you. Thank you for that. I'm stalking you in the Instawebs now.

Speaker 2: 48:53

Yay, we have to stay in touch for sure, because yes, for sure. You're like a soul sister and someone. You are Feel that.

Speaker 1: 49:01

You came on and I was like yeah, OK done, Let me, Let me.

Speaker 2: 49:08

Okay, and.